Keith Ferrazzi, Tal Rez “Never eat alone” and other networking rules. Kate Ferrazzi “Never Eat Alone” and Other Networking Rules Don’t Eat Alone download epub

Preface

Once upon a time in the recent past, people who know how to create and maintain good connections were ridiculed in cinema and the press, calling this phenomenon pro-Hindia. But this is a special talent, a special lifestyle, which is aimed primarily at creation and advancement; a talent that today is called the fashionable word “networking”.

The book “Never Eat Alone” is not only about how to write down a lot of useful phone numbers in a notebook - it is about something more important: about the desire to help each other, take care of each other, give more than you receive (without expecting nothing in return), making other people happy. This is what Russia really needs today.

Deliberate isolation in a very narrow circle of friends leads to the fact that we limit the range of our interests, deprive ourselves of fateful meetings, and after this, new opportunities that could change our lives for the better. Loneliness among people is becoming an increasing problem in the modern world.

I would like to hope that readers, taking at least a part of Keith Ferrazzi's experience, will be able to make their lives and the lives of their loved ones more rich and exciting. Perhaps this book will push you to get out of the “chest” of consciousness those ideas that you despaired of ever realizing only because the necessary connections did not exist.

There is always an opportunity for everyone to expand the circle of people who could provide you with support and other opportunities in the future. One of the rules that you can arm yourself with right away is to always do good deeds selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Help others, and this will open you up to a world of “accidental” success in different areas of your life. And you will definitely always be able to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with interesting people - if, of course, you want it.

Rostislav Ordovsky-Tanaevsky Blanco,

founder of Rosinter Restaurants Holding

Part one
Tune your mind

Chapter 1
How to become a member of the club

Connections are everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. It's enough to pretend that we are independent beings who can live on our own.

Margaret Wheatley

“Lord, how can I get into this circle?” I asked my younger self, puzzled, as a first-year student at Harvard Business School.

I had no work experience or financial training behind me. Looking around, I saw around me purposeful young people who already had elementary degrees in business. They already had experience in analytical work at the most prestigious firms on Wall Street. Of course, I felt out of place.

How could a guy from a working-class family with a Bachelor of Arts degree and a couple of years of work in a regular factory compete with the purebred scions of the McKinsey and Goldman Sachs families, who, it seemed to me then, already knew business from the cradle?

I was a provincial guy from a small town of steelworkers and miners. The area was so rural that from the threshold of our modest house we could not see the neighboring houses. My father worked at a local steel mill and worked in construction on the weekends. My mother cleaned the houses of doctors and lawyers in a nearby town. My brother escaped small-town life by choosing a military career. My sister, while still in high school, when I was just starting to attend, got married and left.

As soon as I entered Harvard Business School, all the unpleasant memories of my childhood came back to me. The fact is that, although we had little money, my parents decided to provide me with all the opportunities that my brother and sister were deprived of. They pulled me up in every possible way and sacrificed everything to give me the same education that only children from rich families could afford. My memory took me back to the days when my mother would pick me up from private school in a beat-up jalopy, and all the other kids would sit in limousines and BMWs. Their constant, merciless mockery of our car, the synthetic fiber clothes I wore, my sneakers, which were knockoffs from a well-known brand, reminded me every day of my status in life.

These life experiences have served me well, strengthening my resolve and motivating my desire to succeed. He showed me a clear boundary between “to have” and “not to have,” and made me hate my own poverty. I felt like an outcast in society, but these feelings made me work much harder than anyone else around me.

It was hard work and determination that got me into Harvard. However, there was one more circumstance that set me apart from my fellow students and gave me a certain advantage. The fact is that long before arriving at Cambridge I learned one thing that was inaccessible to my peers.

As a boy, I got a job at a golf club, where I carried bags of clubs around the course for wealthy homeowners who lived in the next town and their children. While doing this business, I often wondered why some people succeed in life and others do not. During those days, I made one observation that changed my worldview.

Carrying bags across the field, I watched how people who had reached heights in life that my parents never dreamed of helped each other. They found good jobs for each other, invested money and time in ideas that their friends had, helped each other place their children in the best schools, placed them in internships at the best companies, and eventually found them the most prestigious jobs.

I have learned from my own experience that success breeds success and the rich get richer. Mutual assistance from friends and acquaintances was the most reliable guarantee of success. I realized that poverty is not just a lack of financial resources, but also isolation from a certain circle of people who can help you realize your own abilities.

I have come to understand that life, like golf, is in a sense a game. People who are well versed in the rules of the game are more likely to succeed. And one of the most important rules of life was that if you know the right people and know how to use these connections, you can become a member of the elite club, even if you started life by bringing bags of clubs.

I realized that intelligence, talent and origin are not the most important things in life. Of course, all this also plays a role, but it turns out to be useless if you don’t learn one thing: you can’t do anything alone.

Fortunately, I was passionate about achieving something in life (to be honest, I still worry about not being able to succeed). Otherwise, I probably would have just stood on the sidelines and watched other people's lives, like many of my friends who served at the club.

I first realized the incredible potential of human relationships while interacting with Mrs. Poland. Carol Poland was married to the owner of a large woodworking factory, and her son Brett was my age and friend. At the time, I really wanted to be like Brett (he was athletic, rich, and a big hit with the girls).

Carrying the clubs for Mrs. Poland, I did everything possible to help her achieve victory in any tournament. Early in the morning I walked the entire distance, noting for myself all the difficult places. I was checking the speed at which the ball rolls on the grass. Soon victories really began to fall on Mrs. Poland. Each time during the women's tournaments, I did so much work for her that she began to celebrate my achievements in front of her friends. I began to be in demand among other players.

It was not a burden for me to go even thirty-six holes in a day, as long as they hired me. And, of course, I treated my immediate superior at the club as if he were a king. In my first year of work, I was recognized as the best among the club's service staff, and for this I was assigned to the service of Arnold Palmer, who came to his hometown to take part in competitions. Arnie himself started out the same way as me, and later became the owner of a golf club. I looked at him as an idol. He was living proof to me that success in golf and in life has nothing to do with where you come from. The whole point was that he achieved the right to be accepted into the circle of the elite (of course, talent also played a role). Some get this right due to their origin or money, others, like Arnold Palmer, due to the fact that they achieve fantastic results in their business. I knew that my strengths were initiative and perseverance. Arnie showed me that the past is not always a prologue to the future.

For several years I was practically a member of the Poland family, spending all weekends with them and visiting them almost every day. Brett and I were inseparable, and I loved his family as much as I loved my own. Mrs. Poland introduced me to all the members of the club who could help me, and if she noticed that my persistence had diminished, she was the first to tell me about it. I helped her on the golf course, and she, appreciating my efforts and caring for her, helped me in life. From her I learned a simple but very important lesson about the power of generosity. If you help others, then they will help you. People call this eternal principle mutual assistance. At that time, I viewed this concept simply as caring for one’s neighbor. We all look out for each other and try to make each other's lives easier.

That old lesson served me well during my first semester at Harvard. I realized that students brought up in the spirit of individualism and fierce competition live absolutely wrong. Success in any field, especially in business, is built on working together with people, not against them. No amount of dollars and cents can shake the age-old principle: business is a human endeavor, and only people determine everything in it.

When the second semester began, I was already grinningly asking myself the question: “And how did all these people get here in the first place?”

I discovered that my classmates lacked the most important thing - the ability to build and strengthen relationships with others. In America, especially in business, people are raised to be individualistic. Those who try to benefit themselves from communicating with other people are considered flatterers and unscrupulous sycophants.

I have repeatedly observed that people are very often mistaken about the true intentions of those who are trying to establish good relationships with others. After all, the atmosphere that I observed on the golf course, where people tried to help each other, where different families supported each other and showed mutual concern, has nothing to do with some kind of “hand washes hand” schemes. Very rarely there were cases where good deeds were done with the expectation of reciprocating favors. No one tried to keep track of how much one had to give in order to get something in return.

People who instinctively create a strong network of relationships around themselves always achieve outstanding success in business. If you try to boil business down to its basic essence, you will realize that it is basically a desire of some people to sell something to other people. This idea can get lost in the grand clutter that businesses in search of competitive advantage create around everything from brands and technology to design and pricing. However, ask any company leader, entrepreneur or business professional what made them successful, and I guarantee you that the answer you will not hear is the usual business jargon. They will most likely tell you about people who helped you find the path to success, unless, of course, your interlocutor is honest and not obsessed with his own exclusivity.

Having successfully harnessed the power of human relationships in my own life and career for two decades, I have come to understand that connecting people is one of the most important skills in business and in life. Why? Because, simply put, people are more willing to do business with people they know and like. A career in any field follows the same principles. Even our general sense of well-being and happiness, as numerous studies have shown, largely depends on the support and kindness of the society with which we surround ourselves.

It took me a long time to figure out exactly how connections should be made between people. However, now I know for sure that if I decided to become the President of the United States or the chairman of the PTA, I would need the help of a lot of people.

Keith Ferrazzi, Tal Rez

“Never eat alone” and other networking rules

Keith Ferrazzi

with Tahl Raz

Never Eat Alone, Expanded and Updated:

And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time

Published with permission of The Crown Publishing Group, a division of The Random House, Inc. and Andrew Nurnberg Literary Agency

Legal support for the publishing house is provided by the Vegas-Lex law firm.

© Keith Ferrazzi, 2005, 2014. All rights reserved.

© Translation into Russian, publication in Russian, design. Mann, Ivanov and Ferber LLC, 2015

This book is well complemented by:

Your support group

Keith Ferrazzi

I came, I saw, I convinced

Stephanie Palmer

Negotiations that work

Stuart Diamond

Key negotiations

Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron MacMillan

Preface

Once upon a time in the recent past, people who know how to create and maintain good connections were ridiculed in cinema and the press, calling this phenomenon pro-Hindia. But this is a special talent, a special lifestyle, which is aimed primarily at creation and advancement; a talent that today is called the fashionable word “networking”.

The book “Never Eat Alone” is not only about how to write down a lot of useful phone numbers in a notebook - it is about something more important: about the desire to help each other, take care of each other, give more than you receive (without expecting nothing in return), making other people happy. This is what Russia really needs today.

Deliberate isolation in a very narrow circle of friends leads to the fact that we limit the range of our interests, deprive ourselves of fateful meetings, and after this, new opportunities that could change our lives for the better. Loneliness among people is becoming an increasing problem in the modern world.

I would like to hope that readers, taking at least a part of Keith Ferrazzi's experience, will be able to make their lives and the lives of their loved ones more rich and exciting. Perhaps this book will push you to get out of the “chest” of consciousness those ideas that you despaired of ever realizing only because the necessary connections did not exist.

There is always an opportunity for everyone to expand the circle of people who could provide you with support and other opportunities in the future. One of the rules that you can arm yourself with right away is to always do good deeds selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Help others, and this will open you up to a world of “accidental” success in different areas of your life. And you will definitely always be able to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with interesting people - if, of course, you want it.

Rostislav Ordovsky-Tanaevsky Blanco,

founder of Rosinter Restaurants Holding

Eden, an hour's drive from Salt Lake City, Utah, offers stunning views of snow-covered, forested Powder Mountain. In 2013, a group of enterprising young people no older than thirty raised $40 million to buy a plot of land covering more than four thousand hectares. They plan to build an eco-resort on it, which will become the second (third, fourth or fifth) home for successful entrepreneurs who have decided to change the world for the better.

This is chutzpah at its best. The story of how these young but quickly successful businessmen accomplished their task is an excellent illustration of how the principles and techniques outlined in this book can be applied in practice.

In 2008, twenty-two-year-old Eliot Bisnow, who was working in his father’s small email marketing company, was so active in attracting advertisers that after a while he could not manage and develop the business himself: its scale had grown so much. Bisnow believed that he lacked knowledge, but he did not run to business school because he realized that he was in deep trouble and that the answers were needed yesterday.

Reading the book “Never Eat Alone” at that moment helped Bisnow look at the problem from a different angle. What he really lacked was not knowledge, but people who could give advice, take on the role of mentor and help the rapidly developing business. And this problem – the problem of contacts – had the same “contact” solution.

An already paid day off at a ski resort and the opportunity to change the world for the better? I would immediately agree - moreover, I would pay for participation. As it turned out, I was not the only one who reasoned this way - and time! – Bisnow has a new business. Over the course of several years, business meetings at the ski resort have become a tradition, and the tradition has become a series of Summit Series conferences, which have both commercial and non-commercial directions.

These conferences don't just help young entrepreneurs get on their feet; Above all, they help to create a society of personal, mutual support that makes cooperation possible and satisfies our deep human need for connection, a sense of belonging and meaning. This is the most important social capital imaginable. In other words, during these meetings people make friends, mentors and colleagues for life.

Over the past decade, research in the social sciences has shown that the need to create such connections is not simply dictated by vague notions of a “worthy life”, far from it: satisfying these needs is a necessary condition for creativity, innovation, development and, ultimately, profit.

Powder Mountain Resort became the headquarters of the Summit Series conferences. Their regular participants - for example, billionaire Peter Thiel - bought land on the territory for $ 2 million per plot. This allows us to hope that both the conferences themselves and, more importantly, the ideas that ensured their success will exist for many years to come.

Bisnow's story can be seen as a step-by-step and extremely successful implementation of everything this book teaches. First of all, it is generosity in relationships, as well as courage, social arbitration, connecting the personal and professional, establishing contacts through common interests, giving, and pleasure from work.

No matter how flattering it would be for me to think so, the emergence of the Summit Series is not my fault. I was just lucky enough to encourage Bisnow to create this forum along with his support group. However, I can boast that Bisnow calls “Never Eat Alone” a guide to action that helped him clearly articulate and implement his idea. He is one of thousands of people who have responded to this book, claiming to have built not only personal careers but also entire organizations using the concepts and rules described in it.

Keith Ferrazzi

Keith Ferrazzi is "one of the most social people in the world" according to Forbes. Participants at the World Economic Forum in Davos named him a “Global Leader of the Future.”

His circle of acquaintances includes US presidents, leaders of the Republican Party and leading American businessmen.

What is this book about?

The author tells us his story, peppering it with incidents from the lives of his friends. About how making connections changed people's destinies. How a chance meeting at a conference or a well-timed business card can turn someone’s life around 180 degrees. Or even the fate of all humanity. And this is not an exaggeration - after all, most of Keith's stories involve major US figures - presidential candidates like Hillary Clinton or rich people like Bill Gates.

I realized that intelligence, talent and origin are not the most important things in life. You can't do anything alone. Keith Ferrazzi

Most of the book consists of the “mechanics” of making acquaintances and the subsequent “work” with them. We learn about who, when and where to meet, what phrases and reasons for dating will work better, and which ones will push a person away from us. This is especially important when we want to meet a very famous person who is already fed up with attention. Keith wrote separately about meeting such people.

But if you think that this book is about some kind of manipulation and tricks, something like network marketing, then you are mistaken.

It's quite the opposite.

Throughout the book, the author calls for the brightest feelings: mutual assistance, mutual cooperation and empathy. Don’t “milk” your contacts, but exchange mutual favors. All this rhetoric reminded me a lot of Stephen Covey and his seven principles. Reminded me very, very much. Although the Covey name is not mentioned in the book. But the name of another famous American, Dale Carnegie, is repeatedly mentioned there. It is clear that the author was inspired by his books at the beginning of his journey.

Overall, and I would like to emphasize this, Kate conveys to us a very real philosophy of life. Philosophy of communication and mutual assistance.

In fact, he built his entire glorious career on this. And all my life.

…when I do this, the line between the professional and personal spheres of life loses all meaning. Keith Ferrazzi

Who will benefit from this book?

First of all, “sales people” of all stripes, networkers, public relations specialists, and so on.

It will also be useful to people working for the state or in large corporations. I'm reminded of David D'Alessandro's line: "Large corporations are irrational." What this means is that a career in large corporations rarely depends on a person’s competence. But from his connections - directly.

If you again remember senior officials, then you probably noticed how quickly some fired official finds a job. Today he is a deputy minister, tomorrow he is an ambassador to France, the day after tomorrow he is a vice president of a state corporation.

You may be fired, you may lose money, property, but if you still have connections, it means that nothing is lost.

...56% of respondents found a job thanks to their personal connections... Keith Ferrazzi

In general, I think the book will be useful to everyone. For example, I learned a lot of lessons for myself. And he immediately began to implement them into his life. By the way, this is a sure sign that the book was a success.

About the format

The book is big. I read it for a long time. In addition, here and there I had to think.

But it is easy to read. The book is filled with examples from life, and the author does not hesitate to name names, company names and dates. And since most of the stories involve the most famous people, it is unlikely that Keith came up with anything on his own.

In general, it feels like a colossal experience. The man knows what he is writing about. It is clear that the book was not written to earn another million dollars. Rather, the author wanted to leave some kind of legacy, he wanted to tell his descendants about his life’s work.

To summarize

I would like to call this book a real “networking bible,” but given that I have only read a couple of books on this topic, I will refrain. Better yet, I’ll ask Lifehacker readers: what books in the field of networking would you recommend?

Synopsis of the book “Negotiations without defeat. The Harvard Method" aroused interest from Habr's readers, so it was decided to continue the endeavor. This summary will introduce you to Keith Ferrazzi's book Never Eat Alone. The author of the book is the No. 1 networker in the world. He collected in his notebook more than five thousand contacts of the powers that be. Forbes magazine called him "one of the most outgoing people in the world." On the pages of the book, he shares the secrets of building a wide network of mutually beneficial connections in business and beyond. By following his advice, you will not only realize your ambitions and abilities by helping someone do the same, but also decorate your life by communicating with interesting interlocutors. The book will be of interest to entrepreneurs, managers and all those who strive to achieve their goals under the slogan “connections are everything.”

Part one. Tune your mind

Chapter 1. How to become a member of the club

Connections are everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. 

Margaret Wheatley

It's enough to pretend that we are independent beings who can live on our own.

Intelligence, talent and origin are not the most important things in life. Of course, all this also plays a role, but it turns out to be useless if you don’t learn one thing: you can’t do anything alone.


People who instinctively create a strong network of relationships around themselves always achieve outstanding success in business.

Building a strong network isn't the only thing you need to be successful, but building your career and life with the help and support of friends and acquaintances has undeniable benefits:

1. You will never be bored. Such a life sometimes requires a lot of time and imposes more responsibilities on you, but it never gets boring. You learn something new all the time about yourself, other people, business and the world around you. It's a great feeling.
2. A career built on connections benefits the company you work for because it also benefits from your growth. People who communicate with you also communicate with your company. You feel satisfied that your managers and the organization as a whole are interested in your career advancement.
3. Having a network that provides you with support and opens up many opportunities for development is very important in today's world.

Today I have over 5,000 people in my electronic address book that I can call at any time. They can offer me qualified advice, work, help, approval, support, care and love

To create such a social circle, you need to work hard. I realized this as a child, carrying bags of golf clubs. To do this, you need to think not only about yourself, but also about others.

Everyone can do this. In the end, if a provincial guy managed to get into the “club of the elite,” then you can too.

Chapter 2. Don't count your good deeds

Not a single person can be said to be self-made.

Thousands of other people influence our development.



Every one who has done a good deed for us or spoken a word of encouragement has contributed to the formation of our character and thoughts and contributed to our success.

Many are trying to adapt to these new conditions, still being in the belief that man is a wolf to man and that the most vile and unprincipled will ultimately win. “Independent” people who have not learned to think and act in an environment of interdependence may be good workers, but they will never become leaders and team players.


I am sure that relationships between people and even entire organizations should be built on trust. And trust comes when you, to paraphrase the words of former President Kennedy, ask people not what they can do for you, but what you can do for them.


In other words, in circles of mutual benefit, generosity, not greed, is used as the currency. If your communication is based on generosity, then the reward will not be long in coming.

Now companies base their policies on creating strong and lasting connections with their clients. In the current environment, you should do the same, creating your own network of relationships.


I believe that your relationships with other people best express your true self. Nothing can compare to this. Contribute to the common cause, spare no time, money and experience for your ever-growing circle of friends.
Chapter 3. What is your mission?

- Tell me, please, where should I go from here? “It largely depends on where you want to come,” answered the Cat. “Yes, I almost don’t care,” Alice began.


“Then it doesn’t matter where you go,” said the Cat.

Lewis Carroll. "Alice in Wonderland"

The more precisely you define what you want, the easier it will be to develop a strategy to achieve your goal. Part of this strategy is to establish relationships with people who can help carry out your plans.

Every successful person I've ever met planned for their future to some degree.

1. As my father used to say, no one becomes an astronaut by accident. The most important thing is to free yourself from any barriers, doubts, fears and expectations about what you “should” do. It is necessary to discard all thoughts about time, money and obligations that may become obstacles in your path.
2. Look around. Follow this up by asking the people who know you best what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. Ask what they like about you and what still needs improvement. All disciplined dreamers have one thing in common - following their purpose. This mission is often risky. It may contradict common sense. It can sometimes be incredibly difficult to implement. But it's possible. The discipline that turns a dream into a mission, and a mission into reality, manifests itself in the process of setting a goal.

Step Two: Put Your Goal on Paper

The mission itself will not become a reality. Its implementation is like the construction of a building that begins with the foundation.

Creating a network of useful connections is a systemic process. There is no magic in it. It is suitable not only for the elite. In order to meet the right people, you just need to first develop a plan and then steadily implement it. It doesn’t matter at all whether you want to become a history teacher in the ninth grade or open your own company.


Moreover, such a plan can be applied to any area of ​​life and used, for example, to expand your circle of friends, continue your education, search for a life partner, or find a spiritual mentor.


Start making such a plan now, before you move on to the next chapter. Several of these plans are kept in my electronic notebook, regularly reminding me of what needs to be done and who to talk to about it.

A desire not recorded in writing will remain a dream. When it is written down on paper, it is already a program, it is a goal.

• Here are a few things to consider when creating a plan to build a support network.
• Your goals must be specific.
• Your goals must be realistic

Your goals should be large-scale and ambitious

To prepare for the upcoming marathon, you need to do at least a short run every day. With a plan in place, you should now be connecting with the right people. Every day!

Goals, like everything else I write about in the book, are not achieved alone. Once the plan is in place, you will need support. As in any other business, even the best plan will benefit from the fact that someone from the outside will critically evaluate it.

No one could use a smart adviser, or even better, two or three who will not only support you, but also evaluate your actions with a keen eye and demand an account. It may include family members, your mentors, one or two old friends.

Chapter 4: Build Relationships Early

Form your circle of people you love and who love you.

Mitch Epbom


People have the completely wrong idea that you need to make connections when you need something (for example, a job). In fact, you should acquire a circle of useful connections, helpers and friends long before you need them. The dynamics of creating useful acquaintances should be increasing. You can only gain the trust of others gradually, step by step.


According to probability theory, the wider your network, the more opportunities you have and the more support you can receive at critical moments in your career.


There are plenty of excellent opportunities around you to develop relationships with people you already know and who know people you don't yet know, who in turn know even more people.


In business we often say that the best client is the one you already have. Start strengthening your relationships with those you already know. Every person you know, from your family to the mailman, is a door to a whole new world of other people.

People around you are more likely to help you if they already know you and have grown to love you. Start caring for your garden now.

Chapter 5. The genius of courage

Seize every moment. Don't hesitate if you can do something or think you can. All genius, strength and magic lie in courage.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe


My father, Pete Ferrazzi, was a first-generation American. His lot was hard work and low wages. But he dreamed of a different life for his son. Being a simple worker, he understood that courage is perhaps the only quality that distinguishes successful people from losers, even if they have the same abilities. My father went to any lengths when it came to the well-being of the family.

In some cases, in order to overcome your fear, you simply have to compare the feeling of inconvenience you experience with the consequences of failure at work.

Either you take risks in hopes of winning big, or you choose to play it safe and remain mediocre.

The best way to deal with fear is to first understand that it is completely normal. Everyone experiences it. Secondly, you need to recognize that to achieve success you must overcome your fear. Thirdly, you need to convince yourself that it will work out better every time.


Below are some tips you can use today to help you feel comfortable in any situation.

Find a role model
Everyone knows that in every group of friends or acquaintances there is always a person who infects everyone with his courage. If you are not yet ready to overcome your fear when meeting new people, ask such a person to help you and demonstrate how this is done. If possible, take him with you to various events and observe his behavior.

Learn to speak
In response to the desire of many people to learn how to speak better, many organizations have been created to specialize in this area. They simply give people a chance to practice in a relaxed environment where the instructor will always be there to help and encourage them. 


Get involved
There are many interest clubs. Join one of them and become an active member. When you feel ready, become one of the group leaders. This is a very important and necessary step. To be a leader in life, you need to constantly practice. 


Visit a therapist
I'm not saying that psychotherapy will make you a better person, but it will help you effectively deal with your fears.

Make a decision and do it
Make it a goal to meet a new person every week. It doesn't matter who he will be or where it will happen. You will see for yourself that it will work out better every time. Don't stop halfway. When you understand that isolation does not bring any benefit, any situation and any person you meet will become your chance for success.

Memo from Madame Courage:

1. State the current situation.
2. Convey your feelings to your interlocutor.
3. Communicate the main point.
4. Use open-ended questions.

Chapter 6. Soul Hunters

Ambitions can crawl or they can soar.
Edmund Werk

Here are a few rules to follow to avoid becoming an unprincipled hunter of the right connections:

1. Don't engage in idle chatter. If you have something to say, say it in a business-like and convincing manner. Every time you open your mouth, try to offer something useful and do it sincerely.
2. Don't gossip. Over time, as more and more people become convinced that you cannot be trusted with any information, the source will dry up.
3. Don't come to visit empty-handed. Success is achieved by those who give more than they receive.
4. Don't treat your inferiors badly. It is possible that one of them may later become your boss. There is a very active cycle going on in business.
5. Be sincere. Stealth is good when communicating in a bar, but not when you intend to establish a deep relationship with a person.
6. Do not overdo it. If you meet people and do not establish friendly relations with them, then you better quit this activity. The absence of warm feelings between people kills in the bud all the benefits of such relationships. At the same time, good human relations form an excellent basis for business.

Part two. Communication skills

Chapter 7. Homework

Big things are always preceded by great preparation.
Robert Schuller

Before meeting a stranger, I think about how to introduce myself to him, find information about him and his occupation. I try to find in this information the main thing that characterizes him - hobbies, problems and goals - both in business and in his personal life.

William James wrote: "The deepest need of human nature is the desire for recognition".


The main thing here is to go beyond abstract ideas and focus on a specific individual. Try to show genuine interest in the person and you will become a part of their life.


It may seem to you that such tactics are somewhat akin to manipulation, but in fact it is just the ability to be in the right place at the right time.


The point is to find common ground with the person, and this requires deeper and more substantial communication than can be hoped for in the first fleeting meeting. The goal is to ensure that your acquaintance with the person is not forgotten, but develops into friendship.

First, you need to focus your efforts on those people who are already part of your circle of connections. I bet you have no idea how vast it really is. It includes:


• relatives;
• friends of relatives;
• all friends and acquaintances of your spouse;
• current colleagues;
• members of professional and public organizations in which you belong;
• current and former clients;
• parents of your children's friends;
• current and former neighbors;
• people you studied with;
• people you have worked with in the past;
• members of your religious community;
• former teachers and bosses;
• the people you spend your free time with;
• people who provide services to you.

People who are useful to you in some way can be found anywhere. You should not only know all the key players in a particular field of activity, but also strive to ensure that they know you.

Remember: if you are organized, focused, and remember to take names, no one will be beyond your reach.

Chapter 9. How to call a stranger on the phone

The need to call a stranger leads even the most balanced people to a state close to neurosis. How to cope with this task? Any acquaintance with new people should be considered as the next task facing you, which provides additional opportunities. This very thought should generate excitement in you and eliminate unnecessary timidity that lives in each of us and affects our behavior.


Rules for phone calls:


1. Submit recommendations. Establishing trust is the most important thing you should do during your first contact with a person. A reference to a person or organization known to the interlocutor greatly helps to overcome his initial wariness. It used to be said that there are six degrees of mutual connections between people. Today, in order to find them, you just need to click the computer mouse once or twice.
2. State how you can be helpful. I can break the ice on phone calls by including information in the conversation that shows the other person that a lot of groundwork has been done, which means I have a vested interest in their success.
3. Know how to say a lot while saying little. Express your thoughts quickly, consistently and convincingly. Remember that in most cases the purpose of a phone call is not to finally agree on something, but to set up a time for a meeting where everything can be discussed in more detail.
4. Offer a compromise. Remember to ask for more than you need first so you can back up a bit.

Chapter 10. Make your secretary your ally

The role of a secretary within a company is extremely important, but it becomes even more important when you have to seek access to that company from the outside.


During the first call, you should never be aggressive. Remember that you should never make your secretary angry. You should not be overly intrusive. Sometimes it makes sense to use various forms of communication when trying to establish important contact with a stranger. An email, letter, fax or just a postcard sometimes has a better chance of reaching the right person.

If you recognize the role that secretaries play and use respect, humor and empathy to turn them into allies, many doors will open for you. 


Chapter 11. Never eat alone

You must constantly maintain contact with your acquaintances and the right people - at breakfast, at lunch, wherever possible.

Your calendar of meetings and other events should always be filled to capacity. You must be visible and active at all times.

Your social circle is somewhat similar to muscles. The more you work on it, the stronger it becomes.

Did you have lunch with any of your colleagues? Why not invite someone to dinner, and at the same time several other people from your business or personal circle? This way your network of friends and acquaintances will constantly expand.

Chapter 12: Share Your Hobbies

I must confess to you: I have never in my life been to a single event dedicated to making the right contacts.


The basis of any relationship is a community of interests, unity of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, profession and personal hobbies. Therefore, you will achieve the greatest success in establishing contacts at events that are based on relevant interests.


The main attention should be paid to where you feel most comfortable and what activity gives you special pleasure.


Contrary to popular wisdom in business, I do not believe that there is any hard line between private and public life.

Old school business people believe that expressing emotions makes you vulnerable. Today's young businessmen, on the contrary, believe that this brings people together even more. The stronger the human relationships, the more successful your business and career will be.


The list of activities that I use to maintain and develop contacts with my business partners and friends:


1. Fifteen minutes over a cup of coffee. It doesn't take much time and happens outside the office. A great way to get to know a new person a little better.
2. Conferences. If I need to attend a conference in Seattle, for example, I make a list of people I know in the area or would like to meet, and then look for the right opportunity to meet them.
3. An invitation to take part in some exciting activity (golf, chess, stamp collecting, book club, etc.).
4. A short breakfast, lunch, after-work cocktail or dinner together. Nothing better than these events can melt the ice in a relationship.
5. An invitation to a special event. For me, such events are a visit to the theater, parties of a society of singing lovers, a concert. This event becomes especially joyful if I invite people with me who, in my opinion, can truly appreciate it.
6. An invitation to your home. I regard dinner at home as a kind of sacred act and try to create a warm and friendly atmosphere, so I usually invite no more than one or two strangers. I want people to leave my house feeling like they've made good new friends, and that's not easy to achieve when there are a lot of strangers sitting around the table.

Of course, you need to make time for friends, for family, and even just to read and relax.

Chapter 13. Without reminding yourself, you will fail

The desire to attract attention and remind yourself is the key to success in any field. A few things to consider when you remind someone of yourself:


• Always express gratitude. Don't forget to mention an important or interesting point in the conversation between you, even if it was just a joke that amused both of you.
• Confirm your promises if they were made during the conversation, and remind you of the promises your interlocutor made. Be brief and to the point. Your letter should not be impersonal, it should be addressed to a specific person.
• Use both email and regular mail. Their combination makes your communication more personal. The time factor plays a very important role. After a meeting or conversation, remind yourself as quickly as possible.
• Many people wait for the holidays to thank someone or remind them of themselves. Why wait? The sooner you do this, the more relevant and memorable it will be. Don’t forget about those people who served as intermediaries in your acquaintance. Send them a short message about how the conversation they initiated went and express your appreciation for their help.

Try to make all of the above tips a habit. Then you won’t have to strain your memory, trying to remember the name of your interlocutor, or see how he wrinkles his forehead, remembering yours.

Chapter 14. Become a conference organizer

You can turn simply attending a conference into realizing your mission.

Help the organizers

“I want to take part in the conference that you are organizing, and I am interested in ensuring that it is better prepared this year than ever before. All my resources are at your disposal - time, creativity and connections. How can I help?"


Listen, or better yet, speak

Having the opportunity to speak at a conference gives you a special status that helps you meet people. All participants feel the desire to talk or at least say hello to you. You begin to gain respect, and when you stand on the podium, your words are taken with greater confidence.


Guerrilla warfare
Organize a conference within a conference. Nothing can stop you from taking on the burden of leading the entertainment program or visiting places that the conference committee simply hadn't thought of.

Follow the leader
If you know the most popular participant at the conference - the one who knows everyone and who everyone knows - then stick to him as he moves around the forum.

Be a wealth of information

If you become a valuable source of information, many people will want to get to know you.


Define your goal
For each conference, I write down the names of three or four people I would really like to meet on a piece of paper and keep it in my jacket pocket.

Breaks are not time to rest
“When you enter the room, take a step to the right. Look around the room. Assess who is in it. Make sure the crowd notices you." Having assessed the situation, begin to establish contacts.

Remind yourself
Everyone you meet at the conference should receive a message from you that reminds them that they have agreed to meet and talk with you in the future.

Speakers are people first and foremost.

I usually find the content of conferences not very useful. If the speaker is of interest, it is primarily as a person.

You think that you have acquired a lot of connections, but in fact you have only compiled a phone book, and each contact from this list will subsequently have to be established again by phone.

Chapter 15: Meet the Masters of Networking

The most beneficial relationships are not necessarily the closest ones, such as those with family members or close friends. On the contrary, often the most important services to us are provided by people whom we consider simply acquaintances - "the strength of weak ties".

If you want to build an effective network, it's best to meet a small number of people who have a lot of connections. Such people can be found in any profession, but I would like to focus on just seven of them, where the concentration of people with extensive connections is the highest.

1. Restaurant owners
2. "Headhunters"
3. Lobbyists
4. Persons providing funding for public projects
5. Public Relations Specialists
6. Politicians
7. Journalists

Historians write that Revere had a magical ability to find himself in the center of events. But this doesn't require any magic. You just need to communicate with people, show interest in current events and have one or two friends with extensive connections.

Chapter 16. Expand your social circle

The most effective method for harnessing the full potential of your circle of friends is very simple. You need to connect your social circle with someone else's.

Never forget about the person who opened the doors to a new world for you.

1. The person with whom you share your circle of connections should be considered by you as a partner with whom the relationship is built on mutual benefit.
2. You must trust your partner because ultimately you are vouching for him and his behavior towards your friends reflects on you.

Never give anyone full access to your contact list. This is your property, and no one has the right to use it as they please. You must decide for yourself which of your circle of acquaintances and to what extent this or that person may be interested.

Chapter 17. The Art of Small Talk

Those who were able to carry on conversations with anyone in any situation rose up the career ladder with amazing speed.

If you want to impress your interlocutor, show him how you are different from him. Exchange mutual expectations. Combine them. How? There is one guaranteed way to do this: be yourself. Show that you are a living person to whom nothing human is alien.


By conducting a formal, reserved conversation and hiding our true nature, we spoil the entire impression of the meeting.

Learn nonverbal communication. Be sincere. The surest way to get attention is to pay maximum attention to your interlocutor. Find your highlight. Share your hobbies, but don't force them on others.

Determine the size of your Johari window. According to this psychological model, the success of a conversation depends on how much the window opening levels of you and your interlocutor match each other. Of course, this doesn't mean you have to be a hypocrite. On the contrary, this only indicates that you are sensitive to the manifestation of emotions and temperament of a person. You just slightly adjust your behavior so that the windows always remain open.

Know how to exit a conversation gracefully.“There are a lot of interesting people here today. It would be a great pity not to at least make an attempt to get to know some more of them. Will you excuse me if I leave you for a moment?” For an acquaintance to develop into a strong relationship, the first conversation should end with an offer to continue communication.

Learn to listen. When communicating with a person, you should first of all strive to understand him, and not to be understood. Very often we are too preoccupied with what we want to say and do not even hear what is said back to us. Immediately after meeting someone, I repeat his name out loud to make sure I heard him correctly, and then during the conversation I periodically call the other person by name.


The truths formulated by Carnegie are still relevant:

• Be genuinely interested in other people.
• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
• Let your interlocutor do most of the talking.
• Smile.
• Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
• Start with praise and sincere recognition of the other person's strengths.

Part three. 


How to turn acquaintances into comrades

Chapter 18. Health, welfare and children
Every person who crosses my path is somehow superior to me, and I learn from them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

During the first conversations with my new acquaintance, I try to understand who he will become for me: another student or a business partner. I look for the motivation that drives this person. The people who have the greatest success in building a network of relationships are a peculiar combination of spiritual guides, psychotherapists and altruists. The only way to get people to do something for you is to recognize their value and importance. The deepest human need in life is the need for recognition.

If you help a person realize his cherished dream, then the connection between you grows and strengthens. These days, devotion has become a half-forgotten concept, but, in my opinion, it remains the cornerstone of strong human relationships. The highest human need for Maslow - this is self-realization, that is, the desire to fully demonstrate all your best qualities. Dale Carnegie understood this too. However, Maslow argued that we cannot take on the satisfaction of the highest needs until we satisfy those at the very bottom of the pyramid. These include, for example, basic life support, safety and sex. It is in this group that health, welfare and childcare reside. By helping people with these issues, you solve two problems at once. Firstly, you help people realize their most pressing basic needs, and secondly, thereby giving them the opportunity to rise one step higher in.


pyramid of needs

However, remember that if you touch upon the most pressing topics for your interlocutor, you must treat them as they deserve. If you do not show proper interest in them, it will have the opposite effect. Nothing can ruin your relationship with a client more than an unfulfilled promise to help with some extremely important problem for him.


Some people gain power by intimidating others and violating their will. Others (and, as a rule, with much better results) - due to the fact that they become necessary for everyone.


The best results come when you bring together people from completely different worlds. The strength of your network depends as much on the variety of your connections as on their quantity and quality. Who you know influences how effectively you apply what you know.

To paraphrase Dale Carnegie, we can say: “You can do better in two months by being sincerely interested in other people's affairs than in two years by trying to interest them in your own affairs.”.

Chapter 20. Don't let yourself be forgotten

If, according to Woody Allen, 80 percent of success in show business depends on the hype around your name, then 80 percent of success in forming a circle of useful connections depends on constant contact with the right people.


You can't let people forget about you. By developing your own style, you will be able to connect with more people without taking too much time.

In order for people with whom you form new relationships to remember your name, they must see or hear you through at least three communication channels: email, telephone and in person.


Personally, I created a rating system for myself that determines the frequency of contacts and facilitates the functioning of the network of acquaintances, colleagues and friends. I divided the entire network into five categories:"Personal Connections"

- your good friends and acquaintances. Since we already have a strong and deep relationship with them, communication happens naturally, as if we meet every day."Existing clients" And"future clients"

- speak for themselves."Important business connections"

- I include people with whom I have professional relationships. Either I am doing some business with them, or I hope to do so in the future. This category is very important for completing the assigned tasks."Promising contacts"

- I include people with whom I would like to meet and establish good relationships (these are senior executives and world celebrities).

Next to each surname I put the numbers 1, 2 or 3. This means that I maintain active contacts with this person, be it my friend or a new business partner. If he is one of my recent acquaintances, then one, as a rule, means that the relationship with him is not yet strong enough and you should communicate with this person along three lines of communication. Every time I contact a person, I make a short note next to his name indicating the circumstances and content of the contact. If last month I sent a short email to a potential client marked "1", then this month I will call him on the phone. In addition, I enter all contacts marked with one into the speed dial system on my mobile phone (this is a very useful time-saving feature). If I have a free minute, when I am, for example, riding in a taxi, then pressing one button is enough to contact the right person.

“2” is the main contact database. These are initial acquaintances or people whom I already know well. I call or email them once a quarter. This is also the category of people I typically include on my email list for my business. Like everyone I know, they receive holiday cards from me every year, and I call them on their birthday.


“3” - I don’t know well enough. Due to lack of time and conditions, I am not able to pay too much attention to them. These are just people who happened to cross my path but seemed interesting enough to be included in my notebook. I try to contact them at least once a year. When a person they hardly know calls them or sends them short notes, these people are friendly and interested.


“Hi, we haven’t talked for too long, and I want to say that I miss you and you are important to me.” You can make some professional additions, but in any case, your message should be as personal as possible.

Birthdays

For me, the best occasions are still birthdays, although they have recently become stepchildren among other memorable dates. The older you get, the more often those around you forget this most important holiday of yours (apparently because they are trying to forget their own). Since childhood, we have become accustomed to the fact that this day is only ours and no one else’s. People never forget their birthday.

Chapter 21. Find your “anchor”

Everyone among their acquaintances has someone who falls outside their usual circle of friends. Each of us, to one degree or another, maintains relationships with older, wiser and more experienced people. These could be our mentors, friends of parents, teachers, priests, bosses. I call these people “anchors.” Their advantages over our usual circle of friends lie in one simple fact - they are different. They communicate with other people, have different experiences, so you can learn a lot from them.


Having invited a person to the party who will play the role of “anchor”, do not forget that it is very important to correctly form the composition of other guests. Personally, I prefer a combination of people I do business with today, people I would like to do business with in the future, and so-called "entertainers" whose energetic nature will bring life to the company.

My friend Jim Vrem is one of the hottest designers in New York. He had a wonderful studio in the city center where he held parties every two weeks on Thursdays. By the way, Thursday is great for such events. It doesn't interfere with people's plans for the weekend, and most of them are willing to stay out late that day because they know they only have one working day left this week.


I have always admired Jim's ability to make simplicity look so elegant. This is observed in his architectural and design works. Along one wall there was a long bench, upholstered in velvet, and several black leather ottomans for sitting. Here we were usually served champagne. The sound background was created by light jazz music. Among the guests there were always artists, writers and musicians.


1. After taking five steps, you found yourself at a simple wooden table without any tablecloths, decorated with a pair of candles in silver candlesticks. The chairs were beautifully draped. In front of each guest was a large bowl of homemade chili sauce and roughly broken pieces of fresh bread. Ice cream and champagne were served for dessert. Everything ingenious, as always, was very simple.

2. Invite guests in advance. So that people have time to adjust their plans and you don’t have to guess later who will come and who won’t.
3. Don't be a slave to the kitchen. In any case, guests will appreciate your efforts if the food is tasty and the communication program is interesting.
4. Create an atmosphere. Take the time to spend an hour or two decorating your dinner venue.
5. Forget about formalities. Keep it simple. Delicious food, good people, a lot of wine, pleasant conversation - these are all the secrets of a successful party.
6. Don't put married couples together. I usually place signs on the table with the names of the guests.
7. Relax. Guests take their cue from the host.

Part four. The ability to take and give

Chapter 22. Be an interesting person

Today, a marketer must be both a strategist, a technologist and a creative thinker, focused on the process of sales and revenue generation.

Have your point of view
I sincerely hope that from this day forward you will become an enthusiastic reader of newspapers and discuss topical issues with all your friends. However, there is a definite difference between an interesting person and a meaningful person. In order to be considered interesting, you just need to talk intelligently about politics, sports, travel, science and other things that give you the right to participate in the conversation. In order to be a meaningful person, you need to have more detailed and specific knowledge. To do this, you need to know something that most people don't know. This is what sets you apart from the rest. This is what makes you unique and makes people want to communicate with you. There is a big difference between a popular personality and a famous person. When a person is known for his deeds and achievements, it earns him respect. In order for people to believe you, you yourself must believe in something.


There is no one to replace a creative personality
A unique point of view is one way to ensure that today, tomorrow, and a year from now, you won’t have to worry about your workplace. Today's marketplace values ​​creativity over competence, experience and general knowledge. Creativity and idea generation cannot be copied. People who demonstrate creative thinking and create unique ideas day after day cannot be replaced.

Below are ten tips that will allow you to become an expert in your field:

1. Explore best practices and analyze all trends and opportunities
2. Ask "stupid" questions
3. Know yourself and your abilities
4. Constantly learn
5. Take care of your health
6. Try something unusual
7. Do not give up
8. Master new technology
9. Find your niche
10. Follow the smell of money

But you must make sure that your words: a) are understandable; and b) affected every person.

Chapter 23. Make a name for yourself

Regardless of age, position or field of activity, we should all understand how important it is to acquire a well-known brand.

To work in business today, you also need articles from your own marketer who will be able to promote a brand called “I” to the market.



Tom Peters

In order to make a name for yourself, you need inner content that unites all your actions, giving them integrity and subordinating them to a single mission. By creating a name for yourself, you solve three extremely important tasks at once. It inspires confidence in you, speaks for itself and attracts more and more people who are ready to help you.

As a result, it becomes increasingly easier for you to make new friends and explain to others who you are and what you do. A brand in business is a powerful tool.


1. Three conditions, the fulfillment of which will lead you to the path of success: Define your personal qualities.
2. Put your best qualities on paper. This will be the first big step towards making others believe in them. Ask your closest friends what words they use to describe both the good and the bad of you. Ask them what, in their opinion, are the most important skills and character traits that you have. Create brand packaging. Let's be realistic: it's better to see once than to hear a hundred times. Therefore, you must look impeccable and extremely professional. Machiavelli once remarked:“Everyone sees in you what you want to appear to be, and only a few know what you really are.”
3. . It's the little things that make the biggest impression. This may seem trivial to you, but it is true. Advertise your brand.

The world is your stage. Here you stage your own performance. The character you play is your brand. Look the part and live it.

Chapter 24

You must achieve wider recognition. This is the only way you can become an authority not only for your company, but also for the industry as a whole.

Everyone you meet and talk to should know what you do, why it can benefit them, and how it can benefit them.

You need to start building relationships with the press before you even have to publish anything. Provide journalists with information, meet them for coffee, call them regularly to stay in touch.

Study the press
Before calling journalists, I spend a lot of time reading articles to form an opinion about what topics a given publication writes about and what kind of materials it prefers.

Find the highlight
To make your presentation sound fresh and original, approach it in a new way.

Don't go big
The main thing is to create a spark, and only then, when you and your views become famous, you can think about how to behave with journalists.


Help the journalist

Never turn down an interview and try to provide the journalist with the right contacts they need to write the story.


Know how to prepare your bait
Brevity is highly valued in the media. Learn to think in keywords. Choose the three most interesting points from what you are going to say and summarize them in a few sentences, but in a way that sounds colorful and attracts attention.


Don't be annoying

If my article is rejected, then I ask myself what additional is required in order for it to be published.

Talk about your business, not yourself

 Any attempt to brand yourself should first reflect your mission.

Treat the journalist as you would anyone in your circle of friends.

 Journalists are human (at least most of them), and your empathy for their difficult work will impress them.

Link to big names

Publishers want to see recognizable faces on their pages. If your story includes a link to a person this newspaper doesn't have access to, a journalist will happily jump on it.

Know how to sell yourself

 I usually email the latest article about me to people I know with the note, “Another brazen attempt by Ferrazzi to advertise himself.”

Don't limit yourself in self-promotion

 The most important thing is to remember that your circle of friends, colleagues and clients is the most powerful means through which you can express yourself. Everything they say about you determines the value of your name.

Chapter 25. Learn to write

In the art of networking, this skill may not seem like the most important skill, but believe me, it will greatly benefit you.


First of all, throw away all your romantic notions about writing. Writing is not an easy task, but everyone does it, regardless of status and talent. The only thing you need to become a writer is a pen, paper and the desire to express yourself.

A lot of things in the business world are co-authored. If you are co-writing an article, then the mere realization that you are moving towards a common goal together transforms your relationship from formal to closer. You now have every reason to maintain and develop contacts with them.

Chapter 26. Stay close to power

If you think about something, then think big.
Donald Trump

People who have achieved what we consider fame and glory often have qualities and skills that we admire. Many of these people got to where they are today through risk-taking, passion, determination, hard work and a positive attitude towards life. Many of them had to overcome many difficulties along the way.


To convince such a person that you are interested in him only as a person, and not as an object of adoration for the crowd, you need to distract yourself from his fame and concentrate all your attention on his interests. You should always remember that even the most famous and influential personalities are, first of all, people. I have found that trust is a key element in dealing with famous and influential people.

It is very useful to always be in the right place at the right time. But in order to meet influential people, it is not at all necessary to attend luxurious receptions and closed conferences.

Chapter 27. Create your club and people will come to you

You can call it a clan, circle of friends, tribe or family.

But whatever name it all goes by, you need it.



Jane Howard

You will not be able to get to a chic high-society party tomorrow. Well, don't worry about it. Each of us has an entrepreneurial spirit in our souls. If you're not invited to a summit, why not organize your own?

Neither a Harvard University diploma, nor even an invitation to Davos can replace personal initiative. Think about what you can offer others from your knowledge, contacts, interests and experience. Gather people around you and start taking action.

Failures can await everyone in life. What will you do if a person who used to immediately respond to your phone calls suddenly refuses to even pick up the phone?


When climbing to the top, you need to be modest. Help those who are climbing up next to you. No matter which famous person you meet, don't forget that your most valuable connections are the ones you already have.

Chapter 29. Learn and teach others. And so on ad infinitum

Teaching others means learning again yourself.

G. J. Brown


“Always rub close to money, and you’ll see that something sticks to you.” It is not surprising that my father always insisted that I rub shoulders with those who have more money, knowledge and skills.

A person's social circle largely determines who he will become.

The director of a company can learn from the manager in the same way as vice versa. In some young companies, new employees, about a month after being hired, are asked to write down their impressions on paper, based on the fact that with a fresh look they can better see problems and suggest some innovations.

I personally learn a lot from my young students, who periodically help me refresh my knowledge and take a fresh look at the world.

Chapter 30. Forget about balance

Balance is a myth. When I came to the understanding that the most important thing in my life was relationships with people, I stopped making distinctions between work, family and friends. These areas are part of me, my life. I could, for example, just as easily spend my birthday at a business conference surrounded by friends as I would at home in Los Angeles or New York, where I would also be surrounded by friends.

Balance is a way of thinking. After all, we only have one life, and how we live it depends on the people around us.

More people means a more stable balance. We adjust our life schedule only to the most necessary and significant actions. If you have a wide circle of connections, then this doubles and triples your chances of finding a new and favorite activity.

Comparative studies of stress and job dissatisfaction have shown that people raised in individualistic cultures suffer from more stress than those from more socially oriented cultures.

Oscar Wilde once said that if a person spent his whole life doing what he loved, then we can assume that he never worked a day in this life. If your life is filled with people you care about as much as they care about you, then there is no point in worrying about any kind of balance.

Chapter 31. Welcome to the Age of Communication

Humans are social beings. We are born thanks to other people. We survive with the help of those around us.

Whether we like it or not, it is unlikely that we will be able to find moments in our lives when we are not dependent on others. 


Therefore, it should not be surprising that human happiness is the result of our relationships with others.
 Dalai Lama XIV



Renowned author and lecturer Rabbi Harold Kushner once spoke words of wisdom:

“Our souls do not thirst for fame, comfort, wealth or power. Having achieved all these benefits, we create for ourselves almost as many problems as we solve with their help. Our souls yearn to understand what the meaning and meaning of existence is, they want to be sure that with our lives we have changed this world at least a little.”

Always remember that love, reciprocity and knowledge are not a bank account that gets smaller as you use it. Creativity begets creativity, money begets money, knowledge begets knowledge, friendships beget more and more friends, and one success leads to more. And most importantly: the more you give, the more you receive. First of all, be sincere with yourself. How much time are you willing to spend communicating with people? How much are you willing to give them before you get something in return? How many mentors do you have? Who are you a mentor for? What do you like to do? How do you want to live? Which people would you like to be a part of your life? Anthropologist Margaret Mead once said:

“There is no doubt that a small group of thoughtful and passionate citizens can change the world. This is exactly what has always happened in history."

Preface

Once upon a time in the recent past, people who know how to create and maintain good connections were ridiculed in cinema and the press, calling this phenomenon pro-Hindia. But this is a special talent, a special lifestyle, which is aimed primarily at creation and advancement; a talent that today is called the fashionable word “networking”.

The book “Never Eat Alone” is not only about how to write down a lot of useful phone numbers in a notebook - it is about something more important: about the desire to help each other, take care of each other, give more than you receive (without expecting nothing in return), making other people happy. This is what Russia really needs today.

Deliberate isolation in a very narrow circle of friends leads to the fact that we limit the range of our interests, deprive ourselves of fateful meetings, and after this, new opportunities that could change our lives for the better. Loneliness among people is becoming an increasing problem in the modern world.

I would like to hope that readers, taking at least a part of Keith Ferrazzi's experience, will be able to make their lives and the lives of their loved ones more rich and exciting. Perhaps this book will push you to get out of the “chest” of consciousness those ideas that you despaired of ever realizing only because the necessary connections did not exist.

There is always an opportunity for everyone to expand the circle of people who could provide you with support and other opportunities in the future. One of the rules that you can arm yourself with right away is to always do good deeds selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Help others, and this will open you up to a world of “accidental” success in different areas of your life. And you will definitely always be able to have breakfast, lunch and dinner with interesting people - if, of course, you want it.

. I hope you can do something like this too. But remember that this cannot be done alone. We must act together.

Keith Ferrazzi, Tal Rez Never Eat Alone and Other Networking Rules

Rostislav Ordovsky-Tanaevsky Blanco, founder of Rosinter Restaurants Holding

Connections are everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. It's enough to pretend that we are independent beings who can live on our own.

Margaret Wheatley

“Lord, how can I get into this circle?” I asked my younger self, puzzled, as a first-year student at Harvard Business School.

I had no work experience or financial training behind me. Looking around, I saw around me purposeful young people who already had elementary degrees in business. They already had experience in analytical work at the most prestigious firms on Wall Street. Of course, I felt out of place.

How could a guy from a working-class family with a Bachelor of Arts degree and a couple of years of work in a regular factory compete with the purebred scions of the McKinsey and Goldman Sachs families, who, it seemed to me then, already knew business from the cradle?

I was a provincial guy from a small town of steelworkers and miners. The area was so rural that from the threshold of our modest house we could not see the neighboring houses. My father worked at a local steel mill and worked in construction on the weekends. My mother cleaned the houses of doctors and lawyers in a nearby town. My brother escaped small-town life by choosing a military career. My sister, while still in high school, when I was just starting to attend, got married and left.

As soon as I entered Harvard Business School, all the unpleasant memories of my childhood came back to me. The fact is that, although we had little money, my parents decided to provide me with all the opportunities that my brother and sister were deprived of. They pulled me up in every possible way and sacrificed everything to give me the same education that only children from rich families could afford. My memory took me back to the days when my mother would pick me up from private school in a beat-up jalopy, and all the other kids would sit in limousines and BMWs. Their constant, merciless mockery of our car, the synthetic fiber clothes I wore, my sneakers, which were knockoffs from a well-known brand, reminded me every day of my status in life.

These life experiences have served me well, strengthening my resolve and motivating my desire to succeed. He showed me a clear boundary between “to have” and “not to have,” and made me hate my own poverty. I felt like an outcast in society, but these feelings made me work much harder than anyone else around me.